so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
