Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
