Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
