i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
