And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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