I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
