i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
