Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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