Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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