I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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