Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize