Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
