Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
