I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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