how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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