Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
too bad you live with your parents still
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
