we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
