She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
