i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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