Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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