i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
