I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
