I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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