I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
