I can text with my tongue
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize