Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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