Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
