What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
