Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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