his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
