I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
