he wants to bone in the snuggie
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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