you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
