walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
