i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
