Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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