No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize