I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize