Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
