My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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