I wanna bring you to show and tell
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
