Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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