Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You're like the curious george of whores
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
