K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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