That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
