He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
