I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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