what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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