the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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