i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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