apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
