As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
