Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
