how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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