Moan for me like Helen Keller
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
