i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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