Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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