Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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