I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
