when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
