I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
