I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she told me i tasted like america
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
