You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
