i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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