i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
