I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize