i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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