I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
