no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
