So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize