I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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