So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
