my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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