my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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