Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
