Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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