I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize