i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
