god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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