I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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