you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
