Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
