Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
