Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is it because I queefed?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
