Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
