your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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