everyone is single if you try hard enough
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
