He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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