i don't like sucking hair
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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