my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
