my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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