he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
