I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
