those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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